My list of the Ten probable Obamas in Nigeria

Like a forceful gale, Obama did not only achieve stardom in America, he now rules the world!

Americans in their tens of millions, recognized the latent talent of the Senator turned President – Barack Hussein Obama. They defied all odds to ensure that they elect the one who brought hope while they languished under the rule of the clueless Bush, with the message – “Yes, we can!”.

I watched the precision election collation process from my hotel room in Cairo, the “too close to call, and then the calls, …. the fall of Florida and then the gracious concession speech by John McCain. What finally drew the tears from my eyes, was when I saw Jesse Jackson drop tears, in celebration of the accomplishment of his compatriot. It was moving.

The celebrations in Nigeria must have made the celebration in Kenya, or even Kogelo look like Child’s play. Very many Nigerians have consoled themselves with the assurance that there are quite a number of Obamas in Nigeria, who are waiting in the near time of tomorrow, to enact the American magic.

I decided to compile my list of the Ten probable Obamas in Nigeria. At the end, I came up with this list ….

MANY, but for the fact that:

1. The American constitution is clear about the electoral process, eligibility criteria, funding of campaigns, and of course separation of powers. Our Senators and representatives cannot even agree on who will chair the constitutional review committee, yet Obama – an American Senator became President. We do not have Senators, but Sinators .. or how does one explain the hoopla on the constitutional review process.

2. The Nigerian Obama would have been killed either by Mosquito, Tuberculosis, HIV, Polio, Meningitis or any of the other diseases that have long been eradicated in other parts of the world, which have all worked to reduce our collective life expectancy to less than 45. The senator will not have attained the ripe age of 47. We need to eradicate these scourges, for the Nigerian Obama to thrive.

3. The Nigerian Obama will have been killed by rampaging armed robbers, who will not bother to think that his efforts will liberate them from the shackles of poverty that led to being thieves in the first instance. If he survives the armed robbers, the police will be waiting in the corner to snuff the life out of him, either via accidental discharge, horse-whip or trumped-up charges. Anyhow, he is Toast.

4. The current indigene vs settler dichotomy in Nigeria, together with its cousin – rotational presidency and the unwritten accords between the various geo-political zones, will ensure that we do not risk the child of a Ghanaian father married to a Nigerian woman, ascend the presidency. Not even state government. Bola Tinubu spent time after elections asserting that he hails from Lagos State!

5. There are very few John McCains in Nigeria, so there will be fewer Obamas. Listening to Senator McCain accept defeat, followed by his affirmation that America’s interest is greater, I developed a great and deep respect for this war hero, who is now my Hero. We definitely will have tough times breeding Obamas in Nigeria, because Politics is a do or die affair.

6. By now, Obama and McCain will be in the lower courts, filing interlocutory injunctions, preventing the hearing of the substantive suit. With our cog-of-a-judiciary, No Obama can thrive. we need to fix the judicial processes.

7. The sheer number of volunteers that ensured that Obama could reach the electorates, the passion with which they did the work, and the reward that He will give them a handshake saying … “Thank you”, not a Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) contract … is an assurance that the Obama in Nigeria will be dead on conception.

8. Month by Month, Barack broke all records, as he chalked huge amounts of donations to oil his election campaign machinery. Nigerian-Obama will have to spend and then borrow against the eventual windfall that will come, when he finally has the opportunity to lead and sell state resources to repay the huge debt accumulated during the campaign. He will perpetually serve the God fathers, because he who pays the piper, dictates the tune.

9. Americans trooped out in large numbers, attending rallies, waving their placards in support of Obama or McCain depending on who is campaigning. Here in Nigeria, they will have been brandishing cutlasses and guns, attacking and hacking any breathing object … of course under the influence of cannabis and 100% by volume alcohol. The Nigerian Obama definitely cannot thrive in such a primordial setting.

10. The tribe of Martyrs in Nigeria is very very small. We need a Martin Luther King (Jr.), to blaze the trail and liberate us from the shackles of embezzlement and institutionalized corruption which is worse than racism, for our Obama to emerge.

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